“WHEREVER SMART PEOPLE WORK DOORS ARE UNLOCKED” Steve Wozniak
While the above quote might be true in a figurative sense, what about when this belief overlaps with reality? When the compulsion to control takes the upper hand, can safety literally slip through our fingers?
A good friend of the editors and staff at I LOVE YOU has lived with this fear for years. The fear of not having locked up. The fear that his life’s work will be snatched away from him. And above all, the fear of having to say good- bye to all that has meaning and paves his way (of life).
And all this, even though he rightly describes himself as an ordinary, exceedingly thoughtful person. His keys in the left pocket, his phone in the right. It’s the little things that produce great comfort, whereas the simplest un- dertakings can lead to the greatest challenges. Through small rituals, self-deceptions, and countless video snippets of locking up, he tries to create the security that has been lost to him.
“In 1999 my apartment was broken into. At the time I was 15. Nothing important was stolen, at that time there was nothing important. But with the newly installed door lock came the fear. One that had been completely foreign to me to that point.”
“Since then, I’ve asked myself everyday: Is everything locked up? Is the heating turned off? The windows closed? Over the years it’s only gotten worse.”
“It started with: I go out the door. I lock it. I turn around and double check.”
“Followed by: From the door of my building I go back to the second floor. I double check.”
“I come back from the corner. Into the house. up to the second floor. I double check.”
“I take the bus 20 minutes back to my house. up to the second floor. I double check. But I quickly broke this habit. This was too weird and above all, too tedious. Somehow I managed to “lock up” and block this issue at a certain distance from my apartment, to accept that I can’t change anything at that point.”
“I am going on vacation. I bring the suitcases and the garbage to the door of the apartment. I lock it. I take the garbage out. Of course I have to go up again. The suitcase is there. And I can also double check the door. I couldn’t check it properly before. I was busy with the garbage.”
“And I’ve never forgotten to lock up.”
“I lock the door, push it. Count: 1, 2, 3. 1, 2, 3. 1, 2, 3. Three times three. No idea why. And then I’m unsure. I’ve concentrated so much on the numbers themselves that maybe I didn’t really lock up, I just think I did.”
Find the full editorial and read the rest of the story in I LOVE YOU #10 THE CRISIS ISSUE. Buy it here
Photography: Lukas Gansterer
Styling: Felix Leblhuber
Styling Assistant: Suiqi Luk
Make up & manicure : Desiree Schloffer